Yesterday, on my daily read of APW, the lovely Amanda spoke about her lovely wedding weekend, and well, I wanted to cry.
Our wedding game plan took a long while to get decided on, and as much as I want to stick to our decisions after all that, some days it’s just fucking hard.
Because while our plans are steadily evolving, there’s still a long way to go—namely, how to evoke the feel of a camped-out wedding weekend when you’re wedding is local and you only have your venue for the day…
But we’ve come a long, long way from my initial struggles with the guilt of having a destination wedding. This was written back in August:
Villa Buena Onda
I’m a mess of a wannabe DW bride.
It’s no surprise that I’ve always known I wanted something very small, simple and faraway—I didn’t have birthday parties as a girl, I took friends on trips (courtesy of my amazing mom, who is no longer living), first to the zoo, and then later to Disney World or Hawaii. My closest friends and I have been all over the world together, to Italy, England, Australia, Hawaii, and on. And my fiancé, who hates flying (well so do I) has been successfully peer-pressured into the travel bug, and we’ve been on some awesome trips together already.
We got engaged last September in Mexico, and a year later all we know for sure is that we don’t want (and can’t afford) the traditional church ceremony/catering hall reception model that is so popular around our home on Long Island. Basically we want to gather like 30 of our closest friends at a nice house to hang out and celebrate. Doing this, uh not in NY, seemed practical at first: almost anywhere is cheaper than here, some people are traveling anyway, and I know if we did something local I would get far more wrapped up in details and planning.
So when we found an all-inclusive private villa in Costa Rica (where we had always wanted to visit) that fit the bill (and was 100% recommended on Trip Advisor), we were super excited. After a preliminary survey of whether friends would even considering coming down to CR we took a trip to check it out. The villa was everything I imagined it would be, and I know we would be in good hands there. And yet I’m totally stuck in terms of moving forward.
I think 2 things in particular are holding me back.
1) I had imagined finding a venue that was THE ONE. Like everyone says about the dress, and of course, the fiancé. Is it OK to go with a very solid option, even if it doesn’t speak to you?
2) I’m paralyzed with the thought that it is totally unpractical to ask our friends to actually do this. I know they can decline, but it seems downright wrong to even ask them to fork over ~$600 to come to our wedding. Even though the handful of potential invitees are as close to family as I’ve got (my immediate family is deceased), and they’ve all said over and over no matter where we go, they’re coming, it seems like too much to ask of my struggling twenty-something friends. We’d cover airport transport and hopefully even some of the all-inclusive accommodations, but it’s hard to know what kind of subsidizing we could do without even knowing how many people will come…it just feels like it would be so wrong to NOT pay for our guests.
While we’re seriously considering the local wedding route to go easy on our guests, I feel like it’s compromising quite a bit of who I am and what I want. Not to mention, every time we go over the numbers we end up saying, but this money (that we still don’t have) could pay for everyone to stay in Costa Rica…
I know if we go the destination route it must be expectation-free, we must be prepared for everyone to say no. But of course that’s easier said than done…
Yep. I was stressin’. And that was just the beginning. And I felt soo ALONE. Indie-wedding-blog-land seems devastatingly devoid of helpful sane people talking about DW’s. If I had gone that route, I wanted that to be me. But I’m not going that route, so if you are, GO!, DO! Reign with benevolent sanity and DW expertise!