Monthly archives of “October 2011

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Thoughts : I’m Not the Best at Anything

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This cat is the best at extreme napping, Ravello, Italy

Because I’m OK at photography.

Duh. I mean if I was, you might have heard of me, or I’d probably have more exciting things to share, or at least I’ve have mentioned my Guinness world record of butterfly collecting.

The other day (meaning about three months ago, before post-wedding lazy time) I went for a run and it was getting dark and I was practically alone in the park, and trying to get as hot and sweaty as possible so that I could tolerate a cold shower since we had no hot water. And I decided to run as fast as I could. And it seemed pretty fast. And it was definitely fun. And I remembered how I was the second fastest girl in my elementary school and although I loved running I didn’t pursue it competitively because I wasn’t the best.

That first fastest girl? Yea, she ultimately won the state championships and graduated from Annapolis.

Sure, the were other reasons I didn’t pursue running. For one, I am intrinsically driven by beauty, and although some may argue about Olympic beauty and strength and power, I never saw it as a something to which I wanted to aspire. And gym teachers/coaches scared the begeezus out of me.

 

I was not an athlete.

I was a dancer.

At least more so than anything else.

See I’ve spent most of my life searching for the thing I could be the best at.

And other than getting a perfect score on the verbal SAT, I haven’t found it.

Nobody told me that you should find something you’re reasonably good at but love the hell out of and then work your ass off until one day maybe you’re close enough to the best but by then you no longer care.

 

And this is why I’m a dilettante.

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I’m back.

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Leave it to me to (half-assedly) plan posts for our honeymoon, and then totally disappear upon our return.

 

Typical.

 

My absence has been the combination of a lot of things: exhaustion, sickness—but mostly an avoidance of all things wedding. I have a lot left to say about the wedding, but I’m not quite sure how to manage to say it.

 

But as far as the life of this blog outside wedding goes, here’s the deal:

 

As I observed several lovely ladies I admire struggle with the direction of their blog post-wedding, I put some thought into what I wanted to do with mine and formulated a plan.

 

When I started blogging (embarrassingly long ago, and very very slowly), this place was not so much wedding-oriented, as my mind was not so much wedding-focused, and so I should like to go back to that.

 

I’ve got lots of big ideas. And now, post-wedding, I have the time and the nerve to get going on some of them and I’d like to use this place as a laboratory for that. Some may never get off the ground, and others may eventually need their own space, but this is as good a place as any to start.

 

But more than that, I want to continue breaking down blog pretty.

 

Allow me to illustrate what I mean with an example.

 

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A few days after we got back from Italy, I dragged Scott to the beach because it was allegedly the last warm weekend of summer (on October 8th), I was feeling crappy that we didn’t spend enough time sunbathing on the trip, and was excited that now we have free time to DO THINGS like go to the beach that’s all of ten minutes from our house.

 

It was late afternoon and getting chilly, but I kind of wanted to see the sun set, so I dawdled, reading and people-watching until us and the fishermen were the last people left on the beach. Eventually I could no longer pretend it wasn’t freezing or the sunset wasn’t blinding (I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sunset or sunrise without a single cloud in the sky), and we packed up and headed towards the car.

 

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But as we were walking, the sun and light and waves aligned, and magic happened. We both dropped everything and got our cameras out. Planes and birds created picture perfect streaks through the cloudless sky. I went and dipped my toes in and the air was so cold the ocean felt warm. The view was so endless I remembered how one once could see the Twin Towers.

 

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I think the pictures I took are more magical than anything from the wedding or honeymoon combined. BUT. What they don’t show is how my fingers and toes were purple from the cold. Or how sadly I hobbled across the asphalt parking lot because I couldn’t put  my shoes yet due to my sandy feet. Or how the fishermen looked at us funny. And then one peed.

 

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Blogs and internet life in general can have a tendency to omit those things in favor of the pretty. I like the pretty an awful, but the real helps me sleep at night. My favorite posts to write have been the guttingly [not a word but I like it] honest ones where I said scary things and people chimed in and said, “Me too!”

 

So there will be more of where that came from—“Deep discussions from wedding planning past” and no doubt current discussions from marriage living present. There will be pretty—the new rugs I bought months ago! And practical—a rundown of [pretty] shoes for endless walking in Europe!

 

And much much more, as I enjoy having the time to read, learn, absorb, and live again.

 

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